Bipolar emotions

Theres so many emotions surrounding you that i dont understand... i hate the fact that i was with you and it turned out to be a lie, but then i love the fact i can worry about myself and not fight over the stupid shit. you were never there when i needed you in the end, yes the begining but it just wasnt no more. i go crazy thinking what if and then i tell myself to stop because it will never happen. your not who i thought you were anymore and it makes me feel sad for you. im over the fighting and trying to change you. i have to think about myself and what i want in this life before its over with and life can be short. im looking to the sky for hope and my trust in god that he will guide me into the arms of someone else to put me first in this world.