So many tears

For so long all I've done was cry over you and ask myself what is wrong with me? why does he treat me like this, when he calls me names and puts his hands on me? I've put my self down and for what? a loser who treats me like shit? i feel so stupid for the person i once was, and i still feel like I'm recovering from this bullshit... ugh i want to move on and every time i look at our child i see you and i see the pain he is gonna go through with these decissions you are making. its not only effecting you but the son you have who takes your last name... i want to take that away from you, i wish i could give him my last name you don't deserve him to carry on yours. why cant you see all the pain, you think your right for partying and going out.. do u now see when your son is beggining, he doesnt even ask cause he gave up but begging to be with you. i want whats best for my son and u being his father sadly isnt it.... your gonna wake up and realize when everything is gone and all u have is drinking and partying, but all your friends will carry on and you wont.

Michael

Being Positive

With everything going on in my life now a days i cant help but get lost in thinking the negative thoughts of why and how and when. it drives me crazy and i need to stop before my mind completely goes insane. being surrounded by all the amazing people in my life is helping me more than i could know. Right now i have a guy who makes me feel complete, who really is easy to talk to and believes in who i am. i have my friend who has helped me and not been afraid to tell me i was wrong. in a way im happy im leaving behind who i use to be. im looking towards my future with my son.. with a new family one day i will create. its amazing, staying positive and believing in god is what i need to do at this moment. i know he wants to tear me down and wants me to just give up but it wont happen no more. with that said im making this promise to myself, to take everything out of my life that is not good for me, to be true to who i am and be the person i once was. your gonna struggle but thats the point of being successful and happy. at one time you were my everything and i gave up so much but right now your no longer my future... im letting you and the negativity go and starting fresh for myself and my son.

Dazed & Alone..

I cant take this pain in my heart, your words keep inpacting me and hurting me, they make me feel like im worthless and have no being.. you said you loved me then why do u constintly treat me like shit? i cant get away from u no matter how much i wanna try and you make me just wanna sleep forever and you see it but do nothing to help me. i feel like every purpose in my life has no meaning except for my son. hes the only thing keeping me strong at this point but i still feel myself weather away. im just dying inside wanting to scream and have someone hear me, take all the pain away.. why cant god grant me the access to escape and do my life right? i feel so foolish & lost and confused and just looking for sincerency.

Bipolar emotions

Theres so many emotions surrounding you that i dont understand... i hate the fact that i was with you and it turned out to be a lie, but then i love the fact i can worry about myself and not fight over the stupid shit. you were never there when i needed you in the end, yes the begining but it just wasnt no more. i go crazy thinking what if and then i tell myself to stop because it will never happen. your not who i thought you were anymore and it makes me feel sad for you. im over the fighting and trying to change you. i have to think about myself and what i want in this life before its over with and life can be short. im looking to the sky for hope and my trust in god that he will guide me into the arms of someone else to put me first in this world.

The Feeling

The feeling of loving someone who doesnt love you back is truely unbarrable. i feel like i love him as my friend but no longer in love with him. through the years i have given so much of myself that i lost who i was as a person. the feeling of being alone is horrible , not having someone to talk about your problems... having that compassion you needed so bad. its hard being a young single mother, expecially to my son who is 5 and understands more than one thinks at this point. i feel like im giving myself all and of course for him i would always be strong but im breaking down at these moments. ive lost friends because of the stuff ive gone through. i dont regret it where im at in life because atleast ive had the experience to love and feel loved at one moment in my life but now its becoming the person i once was. so many years ive analysed what i want in life where ill be in 10 years and im gonna make it happen, even if no one is here for me one day people will come in my life and will make me feel like it was worth it and just be there.