State & Country Help

i really want to take some time to talk about our judicial system, i have had it no matter what i do in the state of new jersey it seems like no one is willing to help you, its sad because the government and states are allowed to steal from us and when we need help we cant get it? even though we have worked and done our share for this country? where is our freedom and our rights, everything is all money there's no sincerity here, they don't care as long as there not on the streets or struggling to make it by, in order for me to get help i have to go to a shelter and risk getting hurt or medically injured i mean they really feel okay with a young mother to be in that kind of society? people who come here and don't have papers can get all the help they need. i have been more than open minded to this subject and i still believe that they should get help but us american's should come first and we come last... were is the help that i need? what is the difference of being born here than any were else, its supposedly better? the only thing better is the money but in reality its no different than any other place in the world. we are no better than anyone else. why cant we help each other out? i hate money i really despise it at this point because it corrupts people into thinking that's what it takes, our society has made it seem like that but take time to think if we didn't have money... we could survive a lot easier. people did it for years and centuries, we are killing our selves by being selfish and not giving to others... we need to take more money from the rich and give to the poor. its so sad how this country is falling apart & the only help we give is when we need something in return. some people don't even have to pay taxes and they get all the money they want because of the state they live in colliding with their religion or ancestors... remember that we are all somehow illegal we all came here and took over the property. i know that in the end the people who did help and who struggled but still kept their head up will get help in the end and those who turned away and didn't care will fall and perish. i hope that when my son gets older and has to go through life that he will have help, cause i know as long as i'm alive this struggle gives me more strength knowing that i will make it better for him. i pray for the people who don't give a damn cause they will suffer in the end of days.

Trying to look up

with everything that has gone on in this past year i feel like im not accomplishing very much. I get knocked down by everything i try to make better. i feel like a failure at so much in my life, am i worth saving or even capable of doing better? for so long and so many years i was never told i could do something, that my life is just a path that will eventually end no were. im so determined to change things and i think im losing who i am along the way. i wish i could've seen my future up to this point or could know that everything in the end will get better with time and patience, its easy for someone to tell you but its harder to believe it and see it as a truth when it never appears. my heart is screaming but my voice is silent and dwelling in this pain of every day wondering why and how im gonna make it through. its hard being a young parent but its even harder when you dont know what your doing is either right or wrong.. every parent just wants to do the right thing so they know in the end they did the best they could and that to their own they can look up to you. again its hard, so many things you can do when you dont have the responsibility. i would have never got married if id of seen the outcome. then again i did it for him, for him to have a better life, i tried for so long and put up with so much that if anyone could play my life back and see every little detail they wouldve wondered what was wrong with me. i know i do every day, i wonder to myself what was i thinking and did i really do what was right for me? whether you are a parent or your getting ready to be put yourself first cause once you loose that, its hard to be better and do better for your child.